Irina Bernebring Journiette

Live. Do. Laugh. Explore. Dance. Love. Fall. Write. Scream. Enjoy. Dare. Go.

Month: August, 2011

110831 – Att gråta: Varför vi får en klump i halsen.

Tårar känns aldrig lika flyktiga som regndroppar. De väter kinderna på ett annat sätt. Lämnar djupare spår längst nyfuktade kinder. Idag tänkte jag på gråtandet och på den skrikande, pulserande känslan–klumpen i halsen som ibland gör sig påmind. Efter några timmar med självordinerad musikterapi och googlande (jag är fast besluten om att svaren på de flesta livets gåtor finns i sökjätten–deus ex machina?–löser olösliga problem) fann jag ett svar. Inte en abstrakt och filosofiskt reflektion med ett konkret och vetenskapligt bevisad teori. Klumpen i halsen finns på riktigt. När vi upplever starka känslor, som ett behov av att gråta försätts kroppen i stress. Det handlar om något med det autonomiska nerv systemet. Stressen får nervsystemet att öka syreintaget och sockerhalten i musklerna för att kunna hantera den situation kroppen antar att vi ställs inför. När vi då försöker att förtrycka vår initiala reaktion, gråten, hindrar vi indirekt det ökade syreupptaget. Resultatet blir en kamp mellan kropp och sinne.

“There occurs a battle between these opposing forces to expand and contract the glottis at the same time, hence causing the ‘tightness’ we feel in our throat. The ‘lump’ in your throat is largely the same thing. When we try to swallow, we have to constrict our glottis, going against the biological response to expand the muscle and hence the sensation we have something stuck in our throat.”

110820 — Memories of summertime

Mom was here. We sat by the beach and she reminded me about the poetry of life.

A. and I tried to spend as much time together as possible. Remembering how things never stay stagnant. How life continue moving in different directions.

L., E., and I remembered to dance.

Riky and Ale came to visit. Ballerina moto naked tra i boschi.

Helena took us to Rossö. Ribes rosso. Vino. Vela. Mare. Rocce. Vita.

Cali — NY — Malmö. A travelling friendship.

E. and I ventured off in the night.

We are all beautiful. And I have had a wonderful summer.

110820 — Distance

It’s 1.53 am and I’m sitting alone in the dark skypeing with Anna. She’s temporarily left Cali for Cambridge and In two weeks she’ll be on her way to visit me in Sweden. We reminisce of “old” yet new times. In the background a 90’s Steven Segal movie is filling up the TV-screen. He punches and screams as Anna and I giggle and gossip. Her giggle through the black computer speakers makes me think of friendship. How far away still can be close. It’s funny how you sometimes can feel closer to people who are on the other side of the world than people who might be sitting right next to you. How the spacial concept of distance differ from the emotional concept.

130811–I am beautiful

I just got back home after a long night. An interesting night. This is what I wrote on facebook: “I’ve never felt as beautiful as tonight. Standing naked, looking at my self in the mirror after being driven home in a policecar after being harassed outside the club and repeatedly called a fat, ugly fucking negro. I’m black and proud. I might be overweight, but that’s because I love life and I enjoy life to the fullest. I’m overweight and proud. I’ve never felt more secure about who I am and why. No matter what anyone tells you remember to love yourself. We are all beautiful. Just as we are.”

It’s interesting how someone who’s only object is to hurt you can have the complete opposite effect. The guy tried to make me feel ugly and less worthy. But, for perhaps the first time of my life, I felt so at ease with myself and my body. I love who I am, how I look, both with and without clothes. I’m sitting here, writing, crying and smiling at the same time and in the background the Kanye West song Power just started playing. I feel empowered.